Mind Leak

• 2012-04-15

  

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  Keep Going

  The past 6 months have been the hardest and the most fucked up my life has ever been. I felt as though my world had ended but yet I was still alive. It’s hard to comprehend a feeling such as that. How am I supposed to go on? How am I supposed to live when it feels as though millions of knives are being stabbed in my heart? Why do I feel like Im all alone in a world so big? The worst feeling of all is the feeling you get when you have no idea how to fix it. Knowing that you have no clue what will help with these feelings is like walking into a house that is visibly on fire. I’ve tried therapy, groups, time off, medicine, writing, walking, and everything that I thought would help. Only few will temporarily rid the stings. I’ve hit rock bottom and I’m slowly climbing my way back up. Everything I have been through has made me extremely strong though. As hard as that is to see, I have people in my life reminding me. The people in my life are helping me in ways I never knew could be helped. The way I think I thought was unchangeable. I thought I wanted to be alone to never feel the feeling of loss again. I was at the end of my road. The end of my life I thought was near. I didn’t know how or when I would be gone, but I was feeling and thinking of it. I allowed myself to talk to someone and share with them my true thoughts and feelings. What I told myself I would never again do (share my personal thoughts with someone) was happening. That talk and knowing how much people care, saved me. Saved me from distancing myself from people and from leaving the world. I know now that there is so much the world has to offer. I can be happy, I just have to look so very fucking hard for what happy is. There is a light at the end of a long, warped, mean, and terrifying tunnel. I promise. You may have fall backs and huge bumps in the road, but there are people that will help you. I just recently learned that. Love and care are so fucking important that you cannot distance yourself from them. Keep going, keep trying, keep looking. Life is important and you and I need to live it to the fullest. I promise. The feelings you have I have too. Talk to someone you trust because it will help ease the pain of what you’re feeling. Stay strong. I am every day. Just breathe. 

• 2012-02-22

  

  beautifully trapped

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  21

  haHAha all you little shits! im 21 tomorrow! ohh mehh jebusss!

• 2012-01-04

  sometimes when things in life get too out of control, i start to shut down. I see things as though i am on the outside looking in. I coast through the days as if im not really there. Reality is a haze over my mind that can’t connect with my brain. I feel this alot and im still trying to figure out how to deal with it.

• 2011-11-10

  

  People feel like this, some more then others. It seems these are the only two options. I believed that all my life. I’m just now learning how to manage the two. I am now noticing that there is a third option, all that I needed was a little help to see it. Keep strong.

• 2011-11-09

  Behind my smile is everything you’ll never understand…….

• 2011-09-23

  

  In her dreams she is falling. But when she wakes up, she will land softly on the ground.

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